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Posted by: Vill Posted on: 23.05.2020

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By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Parenting Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for parents, grandparents, nannies and others with a parenting role. It only takes a minute to sign up. I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way too big at her age. We're in the UK, so it's perfectly legal. He does seem a very sensible person.

I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still All three in English, which she started learning after marriage.

On top of the above three points, she still finds time to volunteer, and to be the favourite mom among our kids' friends. All in all, most likely not what my father in law had in mind when she was little, but an exciting life. However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men. Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much. It could also be a lot worse. You also say 'going out' - i.

Your daughter is, as you point out, an adult with all that entails, including the freedom to make her own mistakes. A theoretical 17 year old man could equally, if not more so, be with her for only one reason.

Equally, becoming pregnant and having to postpone things such as career isn't age relevant. I'd recommend waiting. If the relationship develops, you could express your concerns, though not in a judgemental way - otherwise you could risk damaging your relationship with your daughter and pushing them together. I don't know if it helps, but when I met my girlfriend she was 16 and I was 23, one year later we came together.

At that age I was working but lived with my mother. She went to high school and lived with her parents. Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love.

Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not. She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child".

I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again.

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We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life. My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home. And many of these are not age-related. Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship. The same about getting pregnant.

And what can she miss? I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing. I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful.

In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated.

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In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation. As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time. Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms. If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind.

Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education. Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times. If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen. Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men.

My 14 year old Daughter Is Dating a 17 year old Guy

It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway. Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people.

It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her. Far better than dating a guy her own age. Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone. Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama.

First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from. You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common? What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on? Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term?

Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions.

Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better.

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That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share. But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right?

I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly.

I'm 25 and I'm starting to date a 17 year old, I wonder if it really is wrong.? I dated at 18 to a man 42 yrs my senior. Was my best friend all the way through, loved him. Trending in Dating. Yes, it is illegal. You are an adult and he is a minor, and sex with children is against the law. Unlawful intercourse with a minor, Penal Code , can be a felony if the age difference is enough; fortunately, because he is less than three years younger, you can only be charged with a misdemeanor. Nov 20,   It's perfectly legal. First of all, there are no laws governing who people can date. There ARE laws governing who people can have sex with. (If you think that dating someone is just the same thing as having sex with them, then you are too young to be dating.) Normally, it is against the law in Oregon to have sex with anyone who is under age

Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you. In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing.

Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him? Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations.

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For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question. So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from". I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.

Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together.

Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age. Invite him for dinner and family days out.

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In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping.

Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use.

One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible. As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent.

Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them. The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other.

You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses.

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This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own.

That's her obligation and lawful right. It's basic accountability. She's of age, which goes both ways. And maybe 3. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i.

You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways.

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So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i. Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness.

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By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation. I heard stories from my parents: when he took her home after a date, it was her bedtime she was in high schoolso she would retire to her room.

But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night. So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then - she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade.

Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term. A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track.

But that depends on the career: he might still have yeaes of school and internships ahead, too! So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own.

Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent. If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else.

I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career.

The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal. I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers. It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career.

Dating is not a crime. However, if there is sexual contact then the age of consent is 16 in MA. There is an obscure law that is seldom if ever enforced that can make it a crime if the person is between if the year old is of chaste life. Yes, it is legal for a 17 year old to "go out" to dinner with an 18 year old although some establishments that serve alcohol and/or are licensed as strip clubs/nude dancing may not admit anyone under either 18 or 21 depending on jurisdiction. However, if you mean have sexual intercourse it may not be. Dane Cook, a year-old actor has been dating year-old singer, Kelsi teknoderas.com year age gap has left some thinking the relationship is "creepy" and while other celebrity couples such as Author: Katie Bingham-Smith.

What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life.

But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter. She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life.

I know the real concern. You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather.

Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she.

It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation. Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter. He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents.

It sounds like they have something in common.

Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between (I use an app that allows you to configure this) and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature (and that's something exists almost entirely independently of . In other words, while the rule states that year-old women can feel comfortable dating year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women. Being Friends with year olds and crossing the line? Are age gaps predatory? Guys,what's your maximum age difference for your partner? 20 year old guy dating a 16 year old. Is 24 too old? Do men think that it's ok to go out with much younger women? 17 year old girl and 24 year old boy 21 year old dating a 17 year old, wrong?

Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.

It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her.

18 year old guy dating 17 year old

Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns.

Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings. Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life.

For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her.

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Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment. It's just good habit.

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You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way.

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Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship.

Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number. There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider. The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation.

You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards. I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland.

At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made. I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter.

If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle. The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities. But when it comes to teen dating, the stakes are high. Many of us say when it comes to how old we are, age is just a number.

But when it comes to who our teenage daughters are dating, and who they fall in love with, let's be honest, age does matter. How comfortable would you be if your year-old daughter was dating a year-old boy? Or if your year-old daughter was dating an older man, say, one in in his 40s?

By the way, these 5 sex-related questions are essential to ask your older teen. With some celebrity couples having large age gaps, there is cause for parents to wonder how they would feel if their teenage daughter was dating someone old enough to be their parent, how they would handle it and if there is need for concern.

Dane Cook, a year-old actor has been dating year-old singer, Kelsi Taylor. As a mom to a year-old, my daughter's happiness is the most important thing to me of course, and my teenager daughter dating an older boy of a year or two I could understand. But I wouldn't be comfortable if she was dating someone over 20 years her senior.

It would make me wonder if her father or I had failed her in some way or if she was acting out in need of some other attention she never got as a child. I want her to be with someone who is on her level and able to go through life experiences with her.

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We spoke with experts on the subject who offered some advice for parents for how to talk to teenage daughter about dating and sexhow to prevent your teen daughter from dating older men, and how to cope with it if this happens. Clinical psychologist Carla Marie ManlyPh. Many of them "unknowingly" seek love and affection from age-inappropriate man to feel a "sense of being fathered and protected," she says. Most much older men who seek out younger women, especially teenagers, do so because of a need to "control the person who is seeking love and attention," says Manly.

And whether the older person is male or female, they often feel an "ego-boost as a result of having captured a younger person," she explains. As we get older, age gaps matter less but it's important to note that teenagers benefit most from relationships with those who are the same age as "it's vital to have similar emotional, cognitive, and physical maturity levels when dating," says Manly.

Discover how you might be able to tell if your daughter is sexcasting. Bringing up the conversation can be tough, but Clark suggests talking about some "hopeless love experiences you've had. If your child feels like you are lecturing them, you are more likely to lose them as soon as you start talking. Manly adds the best thing you can do to prevent your daughter from being drawn to an age-inappropriate partner is to "provide consistent, loving parenting" as sound parenting helps grow confident children and will naturally draw our kids to date people their own age.

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