There are few things that can damage your self-esteem more than finding out that a person you loved, a person you were in a committed relationship with, has cheated on you. Because infidelity not only forces you to question the very nature of your romance - was anything real? All of this self-doubt gets even more confusing when the inevitable happens the cheater tries to come back to you. It makes no sense. They spent days, months, sometimes, years, sneaking around behind your back. You would think that, in that situation, the person who got caught cheating would regard their bridge back to you to be burned to a crisp, exploded, napalmed.
You need to file the papers; obviously he is not going to do it. Why have you not done it? Sounds awful. On December 4th ofI was at his house, a birthday lunch for me belated and sex. Four days later he was on a plane headed for the next target in another state.
I wonder what you say about assclowns that do this, Natalie. There was no conscience in this, nor during the entire relationship with me, nor marriage with his wife. Right before he married main victim three last February, he was trying to hook up with the target he went to Arizona for after that December 4th day last November.
The target he was screwing around on me withnice gal. Oh gosh. Sounds like this guy has given you a lot of grief! Wow this is so true to life. The thing is that before he was brave enough to do that, he would be looking for other options.
He got really close to a female friend of mine who has a boyfriend. They did not get physical but became close friends. He asked her out and she declined. But honestly this guy I know is so arrogant and I think his dating behaviour is part of that.
Thank goodness for Natalie. This is hard. My ex, who I fell deeply in love with, despite red flags and him not feeling the same, did this. She did. Running into him and this woman, running into him. He was never invested enough to be anything else anyway.
Now that I am near over him, I am being faced with all the issues that were there before him and that lead me to him in the first place. Painful and terrifying stuff. I thought a man could get me over a childhood riddled with sexual abuse, neglect and repeated abandonment.
I am so sorry. Jennifer, aww, it sounds like you have been through so much! I like that you can self-soothe like that. Perhaps more of us should follow suit. Hugs xo. Awh, thanks Learner. Wow, I initiated a break that sounds a lot like your situation and have had to come face to face the same realities of my past. Still shakey at times, but the more and more time i spend with me the more I want to. Its still easy to slide into focusing on him and what he might have thought or how i failed him in someway.
In between crying you get to decide what kind of life you want and work for it, no one can take that away. But I have taken so much advice from this blog so I must be doing something right. Oh my! This is happening to me to. I used to search and search for another man to fill the void the ex left behind. And I am just not into near as many or the same kind of guys I used to be. Then society, through marketing and media makes it seem like the world is dripping with available partners.
Take care Lucy! Thanks Jennifer. Feels like some weight has been lifted off me. Love your positive thoughts - really makes me smile. I understand just what you mean about jumping into another relationship right away to fill an emotional void, ugh!
I did that and wound up with a psychopath. Yay me! Awareness is a gift. Use it wisely now. I will try. You know I feel a bit vulnerable now. I wonder how they see me. It left me broken because he leached off me to feel better and only ended up making my self-esteem much worse.
It was like looking after a child sometimes. The more time I spend with that awareness, the more I realise about my own patterns. It is amazing. Thanks K! I am also more aware of the problems of the marriages I see around me, in the past I only envied them for the simple reason that they were together. Sounds great, Lilia! I know what you mean.
I am so happy for you that you are feeling great. I do not blame exes completely for those past relationship woes. Lilia, woo hoo!!! Big kuddos to you. Yes, I am there too. Both times it was after I said we need to take a step back and both times they decided that it was the best thing for them to instead take take a step out.
Unbeknownst to me, months before while holding onto me, I guess to make sure it was a secure rope to attach themselves to. Then finally me suspecting and then realizing it to be so and cutting my end of the rope. A nice ship sure, but still just the first one in row. Maybe in some situations, it is about the bad compatibility, but again, that would be speaking about EA people, not these assclowns who dragged you through a relationship instead of walked with you.
I can safely say, that only if my ex has not dated anybody in the 4 months we are NC, that a that would be a miracle and b I would actualy honestly support him in my mind, not in the flesh. To both yourself, the one you leave behind, and the new person. If everything ended in a emotional available way, only then you can be genuinly happy for one another.
I was the other woman 11 years ago and was dumped for a new other woman in September. Natalie, can you relate the overlapping to NPD or do non-Narcissists habitually overlap too? I understand a lot about personality disorders.
Not in their marriages, not in their relationships. So many of them lead double lives, either right from the get go, or shortly after securing another victim. I think the habitual ones are more likely to be disordered than those who are not.
I know I have overlapped when getting out of my marriage and getting involved with the psychopath. I know why now and I understand it. Have been alone for almost two years now.
Can look dating overlappers that would
I am going through this right now that horrible awful feeling of being replaced is hard to deal with. I do not know how to deal with it. He said he preferred me to her but I guess she is more in line with his morals agreeing for him to sleep around.
Your article is right on target again. My problem is my ex has decided to join my gym and bring along his new flings. Dennis, yeah, same crap happened to me. I finally left the damn gym.
Never regretted it. Last thing I needed was to run into her, sort of defeated the purpose of my health goals. About a year later after I switched gyms, I almost ran smack dab into her on the street, I only recognized her at the last moment, then I had a good laugh about it. That day my life felt great, I could have cared less.
I was overlapped too. That conversation happened the day after my grandmother died. We had been together 8 months. For the two weeks after that, I got crikets.
That did hurt I finally called to ask if we were going to talk about this and when we could exchange things. He was such an unbelievable jerk! A week after that I found out that he had lined up the new girlfriend a month before we broke up.
Three weeks after our breakup, they were posting on facebook how much they were in love eye roll. I was so pissed. But it had been a decent one. So I thought. Everything on the up and up. Kids, family. A lot of fun and no drama. I just felt totally blindsided. And as I work with his mom yay! I just have zero desire to see him. Ever really. It was like I was suppose to understand his instant chemistry with herhis need to try her on for size, and be his best buddy all awhile NC is my best buddy thank you very much.
This past Sunday on my way to a wonderful X-mas play with family, I caught sight of my ex with his piece on the side that he overlapped me with for almost a year she knew about us and went for it anyway. We were together for 14 years, engaged and it took not even 6 weeks for them to go public.
I am working on mourning and grieving, recognizing what went wrong with the relationship. Working through all the memories, hurt and pain is making me a stronger person and I am blossoming into the woman I was meant to be because of it. I will never receive forgiveness or closure from him so its important that I give it to myself instead.
Like most gifts in life the breakup is a mixed blessing, but I know in the long run, I will heal, move on and better myself because I love and respect myself for the first time in my whole life. Knowing that by avoiding what happened is only going to prolong his ability to really move on from this something I doubt he will ever be capable of doing is my small victory if I am allowed any victories in this.
After that it still dragged on for one and a half years, with me not being able to grasp what he had done and what he was doing. I wanted soooo badly to keep him in my life, and he took advantage of that. We turned into friends with benefits, with me being in utter agony the entire time. And that was when I can honestly say I hit the rock bottom.
Sorry for the rant: Thanks guys for all your posts, and of course to Nat for all her wisdom. I knooooow! Urgh. This article was perfect for me.
We worked together, and he left his fiancee for me. I should have known better, but I was so flattered by his fascination with me that I thought I was finally having a real relationship. I went through months of his tears over the ex, who he told me treated him like crap. Then my gut screamed at me to get out, he would break up, the cycles would roll, and he kept pursuing me. Working together made it hard to keep NC.
As soon as I would feel like I was moving on, we would get put on a project together and it would start all over again. He was so good at what he did. He was far from physically charming but there was something about him that drew me strongly. He even convinced me that our non-relationship was in fact something I could not live without. The breakup would have been fine had I not discovered that he was on eHarmony during our on-again period and also discovered he was getting a little close with one of his camping buddies.
He swore nothing happened, defending the online dating with an excuse, and swore he and the girl were just friends.
I only opened up these lines of communication because it was required at work, but he knew he was losing his hold on his possible Yo-Yo side piece and tried to break me down with his words.
It was only a month after the official breakup and he started to tell me that, yes, they were now seeing each other now there were pictures of them all over a social meeting site over the months we were dating and trying to make things work and that I should be aware in case I should run into them at Target. Here I had done my due diligence and went complete NC, even despite the few feet of distance that barely separated us, and he drilled through in order to hurt me more by confirming he was overlapping during the last weeks of our relationship.
I luckily found another job and left, but not after being verbally accosted by him daily at work before I reported him to management.
Remarkable, this dating overlappers are not right
I found out through a mutual friend that he moved in with her just recently. Barely 3 months after he last came to my house and tried to have sex with me. I have been single since, and try not to think about him, knowing he was never right for me, but the overlap has killed my spirit. Thank you for this, and thank you for this post, on this Thanksgiving Eve, 2 years to the day that we first got together.
This is me through and through. I then went onto process the loss of the 2 year relationship while he went on and moved in with her within the month. Its been 7 months and i have constantly had the thoughts that you write about today going through my head. I have only got through the last 7 months with your help Nat. And articles like these just make you feel like you can cope a little better. I am going to a wedding on the weekend and he will be there with his new girlfriend.
I am actually the wedding photographer so this will be a challenge but i will be taking your wise words along with me. Thank you. The wedding is over and i managed to get the job done. It was incredibly hard to watch the person you have spent the last 2 years with, with someone else.
And overhearing him call her children his children. Yes that stung. I have shed my tears but my recovery and grieving will continue. While sometimes understandable. And I know why I did it, because of the things you say, I was looking for a way out, I dont find it easy to break up with someone etc etc. So I do hope that people will see this and not tar all overlappers with the same brush. OK maybe men are less caring than women, but then again, that is generalising, which you can never do.
Not all people are the same. Some do things intentionally, uncaring but some dont. Some do it as self protection and not on purpose. Breaking up with somebody - and I do mean a relationship wich left you feeling like the rug was pulled from under your feet - is an emotional drain. To overlap this state of mind and feeling, with a person who deserves more than to step into a bag of hurt, is simply unfair. Not everything is about you. Sam even if you have feelings about it, overlapping is still a character flaw.
It is also not good for you, yourself. Not overlapping relationships gives you breathing room and time to assess what happened in the last breakup. Been there, done that, we are all built the same and noone gets away from it. The reason there is so much generalising is that it has happened to so many people. Sure not everyone is the same and results of someones actions are not the same, but you certainly have to reflect on your past and figure out what is going on inside of you to act like that.
If you can move so freely from relationship to relationship perhaps your were never really fully committed to any of them. Meditate, take time, breathe, the answers are there you just dont want to face them. Ultimately, though, we have to face up to our responsibilities for our actions, choices, and decisions before we can move onto a better future. Otherwise life becomes a miasma of making excuses for yourself, for other people, and accepting all kinds of crap from yourself and others.
So you could get hurt yourself. Better to take a break between relationships than overlap. I came to my relationship with a clean slate. It was two years since his last relationship, so he was in good shape too.
No is powerful. Some part of them may even long to change their hurtful behaviors.
I have to disagree with you on this one. Many of them here within the stories, show a clear lack of conscience, empathy, remorse or guilt. Those are signature characteristics of personality disorders. These people are incapable of change. This comes up often on the site, and I am afraid that we seek this as an answer, other than acknowledge our own compliance in poor relationships - keeps the focus off us and our responsibility for putting up with crap.
There was a time in my life where I could have easily been labeled with many psychological disorders. Yet, here I am today a moderately happy and healthy person. Some more than others. Yes, surely there are. To me this is like asking if evil exists in the world.
Is there such a thing as being inherently evil and can that evil or ugliness ever be changed; is evil or ugliness beyond redemptionI for one do not believe that anything is inherently evil or good. There is a little bit of both in all things - and all people. I agree with you Freya yayyyyy! I agree it does not change the past or what I tolerated, but it does matter.
The important thing is not to become stuck trying to work them out. I can see that, it probably had the same effect for me to label mine an EU AC. The way that I see it now, though - and this is based on my fairly-functional-but-still-not-very-good relationships with fairly-functional-but-still-not-very-available men, is that there are two ways of viewing relationships.
Mine so far have always been based on both of us effectively using the other person to boost our own sense of self-esteem and personal power, rather than on any sort of collaborative effort. Imo, somebody can be a psychopath or they can be a well-meaning but careless and selfish donkey. Or too depressed to care about anyone. All of them can jog on. Yoghurt, i have refrained from calling the MM a psychopath or a nacissist though i do find it interesting and useful when i read other peoples experiences and realise that he was far from unique, and that almost every ct of his behaviour fell into a recognisable pattern.
But calling him a narcissist or a psychopath is too grandiose for my taste. He was a human being, and he did have his good points and his vulnerabilities. Calling him those names is almost like putting him on a pedestal. It would just confirm that he has all the power and control. It is hard for me at the moment to view him as a human being with good points and vulnerabilities, but I suppose he has them. Like admiring the bodywork on a car with no engine.
And actually it was that kind of thinking, refusing to see the whole, that got me in a mess. I have to find some kind of narrative or name or explanation for it in order to be able to put it behind me. I think that my problem with the terms comes when people start to see them as some sort of super-evolved evil genius.
Freya and Yoghurt, I agree with everything you said. And again, does it matter? Own your part of what happened, learn from it and move on and hopefully have a better experience next time. True, there are a lot of bad experiences that women share here, some of the ACs have habitual tendencies sure, but none of us can claim they are not capable of evolving, learning, growing.
It may take another experience outside of the ones we speak of here but all people are capable. No one gets extra credit for longing to change hurtful behaviour, failing repeatedly to do so, but insisting on continually acting out regardless. My heartstrings seem to remain completely untugged at such a plight.
We were horribly disappointed to see them laugh in our faces at the very notion. Because, naturally, if you were perfect and powerful and attractive and better than everyone else and successful at using women for sex before casually tossing them away like garbage, would you change? Lawrence the one guy I dated who is the biggest ac ever, did have remorse and he was sometimes sick of himself and wanted to change his behavior.
But his remorse did not last long and he was back to his old tricks, the longer I stayed around the less he felt responsible for the azzholish things he did to me and other people. So its no wonder some of these people are thought to be inhuman monsters. You never considered the other person and how it may effect them.
Ignorance is not an excuse for cheating. Your reasons for overlapping are somehow more acceptable? Because you feel bad?
You want it both ways. Take responsibility for your own actions without excuses. Look a little deeper. And it was then that I realised that there was a disconnect between my behaviour and my expectations.
Both of us then went on to have very nasty unhealthy relationships with the newbies - I heard on the grapevine that he broke up with his after a year but I wasted most of my twenties on mine, partly because I felt as though I had to justify my previous behaviours. I think that there are four good reasons for maybe examining your behaviour. Being so uteknoderas.comepared to handle the uncomfortable cts of the end of a relationship that you prefer to push ALL of the discomfort and pain onto the other person is weak.
Getting into a relationship but being uteknoderas.comepared to take the possible consequences of it ending IS sorry! Btw, feeling bad about something but continuing to behave in the same way IS refusing to face your feelings or your conscience. Yoghurt,Great Post and I totally agree with all you said. Especially: cowardly and immature. My AC was 56yrs old. Then they want to be there for you. Like u want to lick my wounds you inflicted. Go away, far, far away. For me, in a nutshell: Getting into a relationship is an adult thing to do.
Breaking up requires the same care and emotional maturity. You have to be prepared for any outcome and handle people with care. Sam, you have certainly received lots of feedback. As for not doing things intentionally, yeah I can understand when my son says that after accidentally hitting the cuckoo clock with a tennis ball, but cheating? And feeling guilty is no excuse. As my mom always says, feeling guilty is the price you pay for doing whatever it is you want to do.
Those two statements contridict each other. I think you should read all the posts and read and see how the action of overlapping leaves people feeling. Like he was some sort of magnet for the other sexe. I really believe in our hearts, we KNOW this kind of explanation, read, excuse, is very very poor. Well Sam, you sure stirred things up.
I understand what you are saying about your behavior being a form of self protection. I swear I hear a note of remorse or regret - or is it shame - over your own actions. The most important thing is to always do what you think is right - even if no one else agrees with you. It is shortsighted and hurftful and disrespectful to everybody involved.
Nov 21, Habitual or even serial overlappers are always lining up their next option so it's ready to use when needed. They reopen negotiations with their ex behind your back. They've got someone at work / the gym/club that they flirt with. They're . Dec 31, Topics dating dealbreakers red flags. Sign up for our Checking In newsletter. You look like you could use a little more support, positivity, and warmth right now. Delivered weekly. The Overlapper is someone you will find all over the internet and also in the non-internet dating world. The Overlapper is insecure and self-centered because he or she may very well be working on a new relationship while leading you to believe he or she is devoted to or still very interested in you!
No matter how great the other woman, no matter how much fun he thinks he has. How much they agreed with his behaviour. And ultimately for example ended up here, desperate for answers. And these are the answers his comment results in. I hope Sam listens carefully. I see him being ruthlessly torn apart. He deserves to be understood and supported in a gentle manner just like everyone else here. I even agree with you. Sam did not. On the contrary, he was excusing himself big time.
And he is welcome to help ending the image many of us got from his comment. I do not feel the urge to be a Florence Nightingale to this man. It meant I had to start taking responsibility for my own stuff.
Sometimes sympathy for the wrong thing is really more like enabling. I think Sam may have been looking for some truth here, not sympathy. That encourages me that deep down they want to change. Sam grow up please as I believe that what goes around comes around. As an adult you have responsibilities towards yourself and anyone you are in a relationship with.
Overlapping also known as cheating! My second husband met a woman on the internet and while pursuing a relationship with her kept me in the dark that there was even a problem in our relationship. I had no clue until i started to feel the disconnection from him and thought i should investigate what was going on. He denied everything until one day, viola! I guess she got tired of him being married and she deceided to have her friend call me to let me know about their secret life.
Needless to say I kicked him out, got a divorce, only to have him boomerang back when things were not so great for him. He knew what he had with me, but yet thought the grass was greener so he deceided to graze. I am sure these patterns repeat themselves, so I have no doubt that she too will fall victim someday if she ever gets her head out of her ass.
They have a child together now, she just recently let him move back in with her for the third time. He tells me they are trying for the kids sake. I say good luck to all who have been through something like this. Its not easy, but some people cannot bear to be alone. I believe think that overlapping i. I am happy to be alone and at peace with who I am and I thank him for teaching many lessons about what love isnt about.
This is really hitting home for me right now. The ex-AC and I had a very sudden, unexpected breakup ie. Of course, when I confronted him, he flat out denied it. Well, he was cheating on me- my suspicions were confirmed by a reliable source.
Aug 25, So of course the overlappers new partner has no idea she was even in a relationship. Everything is great and funnin the new relationship. IME dating from the 70's through the end of the 90's in one demographic, very common. Most women, and many men, had new partners before divorcing, some before filing for divorce. I failed often due to. They feel their partners are not committed or serious about the relationship, so they keep a back up plan ready and that is why they have multiple relationships. Continue Reading. Loading. I think by overlap you mean why do people get into multiple relationships at one point of time. When Someone Gets Caught Cheating, More Often Than Not, They Beg For Forgiveness. But Why? Here's The Real Reason Why Cheaters Always Come Back.
The thing that has me reeling is that he is back with his ex. Safe to say, I never saw this girl as a threat. Was our relationship ending anyways and she just happened to be there?
Or did he really choose her over me? Either way, I was definitely overlapped and it sucks. Piecing together our last week as a couple it becomes so clear he was seeing her then and doing his best to hide it from me. You are left wondering what was real and what was fake.
That is such a common story. I hear it a lot. How awful. Two, more than once. I have to say it makes me uncomfortable about getting too close to either of them. Even the one trying to change her behaviour, a journey I offered her a great deal of support with, because she again got involved with a MM despite her efforts.
I always wonder, are these women people who would do such a thing to me? Just a little damaged or manipulative or low esteemish in that area I think.
Teachable, I have to see the woman every day at work!
Topic dating overlappers phrase
The way it was told to me was a classic. Then he says, yes, she has met somebody else. These people have a sense of their entitlement to behave as they please, without even paying lip service to common decency and good manners. But my life is fab. When I get room in my schedule, I might be bothered with another man - but then again. You may need to look at using other things he wants from you as leverage. Again the legal advice will help.
I strongly doubt he will be first ever hostile ex hubby refusing to sign divorce papers as a way of seeking revenge. Yr obvious growth is jumping right off the screen! Yes, yes, yes. I lived this. It is precisely what I lived. I get to go it alone. Smack me again upside the head again for getting involved with a MM. There is simply no way in hell to win with a MM.
Two years later and it is the same answerjust SHIT. Dearheart Banshee, But what if it's a temporary circumstance, like illness?! Well we all know how you'd respond to chronic illness. That hit me hard, and I have nothing to do with my parents. It's just such an absolute statement. It makes me sad for you, and whoever you're dating. I don't get it, and I want to. I 'overlapped' whatever THAT means with my ex for someone, and me and this person the overlapee have been together for a long time now.
I have never been this happy in my life. I'm sorry that I left him for a really kind, emotionally stable person. Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade or whatever it's called. I feel like this term, overlappers, gets a bad name because people can't get over themselves. Your spouse left you for someone else. Get over it. MAYBE, maybe if you're genuinely a nice person and care about the other person, making a conscious effort to please them and just be a nice person I can understand the frustration.
But I'm sorry. I am NOT going to feel bad for overlapping when all I've done is leave a very harmful situation for a better one. Well when I started this particular topic I was coming from a place of being someone who treated my partner with nothing but love and respect Overlapping is cheating Two wrongs don't make a right.
So if your current partner is an A-hole figure out a way to get out Sorry I feel strongly about this. In my case I wasn't in an physically abusive relationship and I was working my butt off to please my partner at the time. Encouraging them when it came to their goals, spoiling some would say way too much and loving them completely and they still chose to date someone while dating me. Well, I think that you sound like a nice person and you definitely have a reason to complain about what happened to you!
I think there are two types of girls: girls who stay with a-holes and then overlap for someone better, and girls who leave someone better for an a-hole. I did the latter, but I know lots of girls do the former, even when the guy is really nice and caring. I'm sorry for what happened to you; at least you are not like my ex, who tried to ruin my relationship with the man who made me happy after him. First you say you're sorry left him for a "kinder" person, then you say you're not sorry you cheated on him and umped him for the other.
WTF is it? If all you say is you're not sorry you've cheated, then how are you going to help this poster? Worst, then you're projecting yourself onto his exwife and taking on her side as if you know the situation and she was you? I was in a relationship with my ex for 10 years.
The last 6 months I was in the relationship, I found out she was cheating on me when I found her to become more outgoing and distant. She told her family, and friends that I abused her and that she feared for her life. She also told her family that her "bf" was just a family friend to us. When I moved out, her new bf moved in with her a week later. She sent me a text afterwards telling me she never once cheated on me. To this day, on social media she hasn't told anyone she is in a relationship.
Her sister told me one day, that she overlapped her ex with me. I had no clue this had occurred. I spoke to her ex one day out of curiosity and he told me, when he dated her she was talking to other guys at work, at the gym, and even online.
Come to find out when I started dating her, she was still dating him. I gave it all to save our relationship, and it was no use. It's true what they say about overlappers, they don't care about you as long as they feel they did no wrong in their minds. They will lie, make you feel guilty, and disrespect you til no end.
I share your pain if you were dumped in this way, for those of you wondering if your ex is an overlapper? You have to heal emotionally and spiritually, don't ever go back to that type of relationship. I have and i am just about healing, i found this man to be controlling, emotionally and her verbally abusive. When i pulled away he met a lady called Jacky last year, i knew about it but could not be bothered to fight for him as this would of fired up his ego.
He rushed our relationship wanting to move in immediately, within a couple of months i was feeling alone, i lost my best friend, he didn't like any other friends i had and i only associated with his. I paid all the house hold bills and he had three bikes, a track car and his daily car and work van. There are no excuses to be made for these sort of people they need to address their problems. I am now getting better and people around me are saying i am so much better off without him and how they are right This is from a woman in Pudsey Leeds.
Do not tolerate these sort of people please, they are very clever at making you feel you are to blame for all the problems they cause. Some not all overlappers are abusive as well, this is their excuse to get out of the relationship when you stop them controlling you and you start standing up to them which knocks their delicate egos.
I don't have an answer for you but I'm living the same thing right now. And reading your story it resonated so much with my situation. My girlfriend and I grew apart even though we still loved each other.
Jul 14, What is an overlapping relationship? One example would be when people realize their current relationship has hit a dead end and isn't going anywhere but don't end it. What they do instead is begin their search for someone new before they even ended their current relationship. Overlappers are insecure cowards and could use a lesson in respect a respectable person does not use deceit to get ahead without dealing with the present. Overlapping is caring exclusively about your feelings and ignoring the path of destruction left behind by your actions. reply. #
I asked her many times if she was happy and she said yes even though we both felt something was off. By the way, we've been together for 3 year and half, and living together for more than 2 years. Then, she started to become cold and distant and having a lot of late night at work. I mean late late night. Being the type of guy who trusts his partner, because without trust there is no relationship, I was just worrying that she might be working too much. Fast forward 1 month ago, after 3 months of trying to fight for her I decided to break up with her because she told me several times that she needed "space for herself".
The next day after we broke up, she told me that she'll be sleeping at her friend's house and will sleep back home once in a while until we sell our condo. Yesterday when she came back home in order to pack a bag for her trip to Japan I checked her phone because I was sensing something off.
I found out she was not seeing someone else, she was in LOVE with someone, the texts they were exchanging were not from people "dating" but from people who were involved with each other for a long time. She is moving in with him in two months time.
So I'm wondering "for how long have they been seeing each other? I'm also wondering why she did not leave me earlier?
Why did she turn cold and distant and basically waited for me to be the "bad guy" and break up with her? Look, I understand that you can fall out of love with someone and fall in love with someone else. But why the lie? Why living a double life? So many questions, and no answers whatsoever since she refused to explain herself, saying that since we are no longer a couple she does not owe me any explanations. I tried to explain that since she was with me when she started seeing this guy, she has a moral obligations to tell me the truth.
But it's a fight that I cannot win unless I force her to talk, which I won't since I dispise violence toward woman. So I'm quite lost, and reading your story, it echoed so much with what I'm going through right now Hey man how you doing? I am in same boat.
Are they a partner or a player? — Susan Winter
Wife had decided to take break in August She swore there was no one else and we were working on us I hope karma kicks in soon. I am going through the same thing right now my ex of 8 years left me for co-worker. She lied and said she needed time after I moved out I found out she had been in an emotional affair with him for some time and a physical affair for a few months while we were still together.
I helped her raise her three boys and raised them like they were my own. Now she will not let me see them and is moving to a different town to live with him. I am truly confused, angry, sad, and depressed. She seems like she has changed into a totally different person. She is abandoning her family and friends to go live with this guy. Is she bipolar or a narsacist? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. Hi there, I was also overlapped and understand completely how being a victim to such a selfish act can affect you profoundly and leave you in a feeling of seeking answers for comfort in order to pull yourself together.
Being in this situation really hurts ones self-esteem and makes it so hard to come to terms what the overlapper has done. My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years, were engaged and bought a nice house together.
We worked on trying for a family and after a year and a half I got pregnant. He was so happy as was I and out of the blue 4. While I believe he is a narcissist I am still flabbergasted at how he lied compulsively about his affair while planning to leave me. She is 10 years my junior and he had left our house to live her in her apartment leaving me in financial ruins and to deal with selling the house while preparing for the baby alone. While he is ridding off into the sunset with his new gf I am 8 months pregnant with his child and packing to move into my own apartment exhausted.
Overlapping is cheating, which is wrong in my books and it is very deceitful in that the person being overlapped is unaware of the game going on behind the scenes and they land up feeling very ashamed when they find out the truth because of all their efforts to save the relationship when in fact, the other had already moved on. They are left in the dust to try to gather their life back together and accept reality while the overlapper is already settled into their new life.
Overlappers are insecure cowards and could use a lesson in respect Overlapping is caring exclusively about your feelings and ignoring the path of destruction left behind by your actions.
That is exactly how they operate. The relationship with my boyfriend of 1,5 years - Eugene Barker - started as an overlapper and also just ended this way As I said, that's how they roll and needless to say it was her fault and this round it was mine. Never his fault. And of course they will deny the overlapping 'till the cows come home. Perhaps you have done it; Perhaps your friends have done it; Perhaps even your current mate is overlapping as we speak. Because The Overlapper is so insecure, he or she will continue to seek dates in the real world and on the internet regardless of the state of your current relationship.
Sometimes they suffer from the "always searching for something better" syndrome, or they are so insecure they feel as if they are always on the verge of being dumped by you.
Whether this is the case or not, The Overlapper is afraid to be alone, even for one single day, and will stop at nothing to line up his or her next "squeeze". Many times, overlapping is not done intentionally, rather out of immense insecurity.
Opinion dating overlappers apologise, but, opinion
We all have friends and acquaintances who never seem to be out of a relationship. Mary was hot and heavy with John for months and even claimed to love him. Well the next time you inquire about Mary and John, you hear, "Oh they broke up recently. Mary is going out with this great new guy! Of course she is! Mary is always going out with some "great new guy".
Unfortunately, each new guy will quickly become an old guy and Mary will be spotted next week with a new beau who was the victim of her most recent Overlap.
The really bad Overlappers are the ones who jump right from the fire into the frying pan. We've all seen them. John is going through a bitter and trying divorce, but what do ya know?!?!
John has an ad on a personals website because this genius is certain he is ready to find a new girlfriend. Not so fast Speedy Gonzales! Nobody, and I mean nobody, can give of themselves what is required to sustain a healthy relationship when they're just coming out of one - especially a divorce or separation.
These Overlappers will show their true colors quickly - often on the first date - by yapping and whining incessantly about their ex and the current situation of that ongoing struggle. John is not ready for a new relationship.