You fight too much. Your house is a mess. The bills are late. You say things without thinking or tune out during important conversations. Life is chaotic. And still, adults with ADHD are completely capable of happy, fulfilling marriages. All marriages have their ups and down, but if one or both spouses have ADHD, the relationship is significantly more challenging.
When you are feeling vulnerable and rusty about the dating scene, how do you open yourself up to potential heartbreak and emotional pain?
Start by sitting down in a quiet place and making a list of the qualities you value in a mate. After you have brainstormed about the list, prioritize each, from most important to least important.
Are you looking for someone who will provide excitement and high activity, or do you prefer a stable and low-key person to balance out your energy level? Is it important to you that this person connects with your family members? What values do you want this person to have? What interests?
Really. dating with adhd disorder really
What are your relationship goals? Are you looking for fun and lighthearted companionship, or are you seeking a long-term relationship and life partner? If you are currently dating someone, make a list of the qualities you like about this person. What initially attracted you to this person? Are there things about this person that bother you? Can you accept these qualities, or do you feel a nagging suspicion that as the relationship progresses, you may be less inclined to be accepting of them?
If this person also has ADD, are they involved in treatment and actively getting help in managing their own ADD symptoms? How do you feel around this person - happy and relaxed or insecure and rather tense? Can you be yourself around this person? If you are looking for a life partner, is this someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life? Sometimes it helps to sit down with a trusted and supportive friend or family member to help you think through this process.
It is not unusual for an individual with ADD to become so consumed with a new relationship that all objective thought flies out the door. You may also miss important clues or warning signs about the relationship that an outside party, who has your best interest at heart, is better able to point out to you.
Think through your past relationships, both the negative ones and the positive ones. In order to help this problem, Ramsay suggests having conversations face-to-face and checking in with your partner every few minutes to make sure they're with you - and also being willing to repeat some information if they did wander off. Part of dating someone with ADHD is accepting that they can be excessively chatty at times, he says, but sometimes the nonstop narrative can really wear you out.
It's like your brain's notepad or to-do list for recent information. When this is impaired, you can get easily distracted from the task at hand. All these broken promises can have real consequences. At the same time, their partner may feel horrible guilt and shame. Your phone might work for this, but the experts agree that phones can also be very distracting.
So another option is to carry a notebook with you and write everything you need to do or remember in there. They are always late, can't stick to a schedule, fail to meet deadlines, and may not even show up," Barkley says. This is because ADHD makes it very difficult for people to predict how long it takes to do something, which can be frustrating for their partner.
Time management is a skill that people with ADHD will probably have to work on their whole lives. But the experts agree that it helps to use alarms, reminders, and If you date someone with ADHD, it may feel like every time you leave the house your partner will forget their phone, keys, or wallet.
Maybe they always misplace important bills, lose jewelry, or leave their credit card at the bar. Forgetfulness is a major problem in individuals with ADHD, says Barkley, and it can make them seem quite disorganized and careless. Part of solving this problem is the partner with ADHD learning the right coping strategies - like using a planner or journal, sticky notes, and phone alerts to remember things.
It's also important for their partner to try not to interpret the forgetfulness as intentional, Ramsay says. And if you share a car, just have more than one set of keys. In any shared living situation, there will always be one person who is neater than the other - it's usually not the one who has ADHD.
They tend to kind of take over a space with their stuff, Ramsay says, and this is an easy point of contention in the relationship. Their desk may have piles of papers or the garage might be full of half-finished art projects. However, it's not always because the partner with ADHD is a messy person. So no matter how tempting it might be for the person without ADHD to clean up the clutter, they should always consult their partner first - otherwise this could be stressful and disorienting. Yes, the symptoms of ADHD have a sexual ct, too.
This lack of reciprocity can come off as disinterest or selfishness, and that can be a big problem, since having sex is often a moment of intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. His family is very supportive of me and his mom sees the same issues. He is VERY strubborn and hates being told what to do or given advices or any guidance. He is 33, I am I now I am no perfect, I admit it and work on myself.
I changed a lot, started reading a lot of self help books, medication, excercising, walking every morning, eating healthy, doing research. Once in a while every months he will do mushrooms, sometimes in a microdose and then he seems like a different guy. Patient, attentive, involved. Any suggestions? Run away!!! Go back home!!!!! Do NOT have kids with this guy!!!! Your relationship will NEVER get better than it is now without kids, add kids and add stress, money issues, stress, did I say stress?
Improve yourself, further your education, follow your interests, you are FREE. He was fun, full of energy, the life of the party. Anytime anyone rides in a car with this ass, he starts harassing 30 minutes prior to time to leave that we will make him late. He is NOT a good friend, very self centered. Sounds very much like my marriage. I am married to someone with undiagnosed ADHD and my life is hellit is always about him, he has no thoughts about how his actions impact others and how much stress he puts on his family.
I am so tierd of hearing how the non ADHD has to accept them, learn to support them, etc. I agree you need to run. Please try to get out of your marriage for your own personal health. Do not add an innocent child. Please avoid more heartbreak. I wish I could have. Children added to the mix will make it even more challenging and painful emotionally.
Then you begin to lose focus on the marriage and there is no family or structural support. I have no family support either so I feel for you. Guilt is an emotion that is meant for us when we do something wrong. Our societies use guilt to control us in the social norm which prevents us from making good healthy choices. Weigh your options and when guilt or pity rises in your deciding factor push it out.
ADHD and Relationships: Let's Be Honest
You still have life left to live. Loosing hope here. Oh my goodness, Maria! We are married to twins! I have no advise for you because, after 3 years of marriage, I am sitting in the same spot as you. I feel for you and you are not alone. Not going to lie, reading all of these comments are really frustrating for me at the moment. My boyfriend just got diagnosed with ADHD a few days ago after clearly struggling with it for 10 years of his life.
My boyfriend and I are both 17 years old. I understand most of you are adults and married and you think you have your spouse completely figured out, but I have yet to see a comment where you guys are understanding of what you partner is going through. He told me it was okay because he was used to people giving up and not being able to understand the way his brain works. Did I run like how all of you guys are encouraging people to do?
No i stayed. I 17 years old i was willing to prepare myself for all the obstacles because i could see the potential in this single most amazing person i had ever met. Believe me I know what it feels like to think that you are the problem. He keeps interrupting me he must not care about what I have to say. I cause the extra stress in his life. Why does he want to be alone?
I understand these thoughts can cause jealousy especially if you see someone else making your partner smile. Some advice? Yes, adhd partners are not meant for everyone. But from personal experience I know I love this person and that they are the only person i want. And i finally believe him. It just takes time and expectance. I really hope this helped someone. The lack of respectful and open communication, the filthiness, the inability to contribute to the relationship emotionally, the tantrums and domineering, the excuses and blame when confronted with disagreements, the debt, the drugs and alcohol.
I wish I had the same level of hope that I once did, but all I can say now is that this disorder is horrendous and makes a relationship immensely draining. You make it sound so easy. The spouses were swept off their feet in the beginning because their partner was hyper focused on them and they had never experienced anything as wonderful as that.
In the beginning they did not know that the partner had ADHD and neither did they because they had never been diagnosed. Once they married it all fell apart because the shiny new thing that they were in the eyes of their spouse was no longer the case. Without constant stimulation or excitement in their lives things became boring and their partners true nature surfaced.
Some women who post about their husbands and the change that happened stated that the change did not happen until after they had children. Even the women who knew their husbands had ADHD said there was a huge change after they had children.
I dated a guy for 3 years. I know that there are things I could have done better in our relationship, and I am willing to work on those because I still want to be with him.
I know deep down that he is a great person, I just got easily frustrated and lost patience and so did he. Then, eventually, you will be open to the man who will chase and want YOU! I promise! Most are miserable, or struggling. Why live for 20, 30, 40 years with someone who is verbally abusive, has angry outbursts, blames all of their problems on you, and refuses to seek treatment? Fantastic advice, Kelly Thomas! If any ladies are here for advice about a man you want more than he wants you, this is your answer, regardless of the individual details.
No joke, it absolutely applies to all cases of unrequited love! That is something We took some time to work on ourselves.
I feel so,Eli,Es that she is pushing me away due to misunderstandings or other things. I thought of saying the same thing impulsively but did not mean it. Give him a month and try again putting criticism and your own self esteem lightly aside when you speak in person. Ask hi, how he has worked on these areas that were a struggle in the past.
ADHD adults are difficult to deal with I am learning from experience putting myself in the non-adhd partners shoes. All I know is I want to be an asset and not a reliability in a relationship.
I want a real long term relationship one day and there are many things I need to work on to be more accepted by my partner but it will be better to tackles once she knows what my struggle areas are. Hi everyone! I just found this wonderful community of people who are trying to deal with ADD. I would love to interview you! Hi Alicea, I have been seeing a great guy since July He is kind and thoughtful and yet selfish and distant the next minute. When I ask him about things or let him know how he can make me feel, he gets defensive and often turns the situation back to me and how I must be feeling.
I am the sort of person who wants love in my life, to feel appreciated and to be considered and respected! My dog, happens to be very intelligent and knows he has a difference in the way he communicates but still resists his affections at times because he is too over powering and when he talks in his chosen voice childlike he looks at me for help!
I am prepared to be there for him but onlyif he for one wants that, or is honest with himself and admits that he is not ready for a relationship or indeed he does want to try. We clash so much but we manage to admit and accept that we do!
Growing up in a family with members who have it and then my spouse and now my children. Hi Anne. I am in a relationship with a man who has ADHD. My little brother also had it he passed away due to drug addiction. My boyfriend has melt downs times a month.
Remarkable, dating with adhd disorder apologise, but
Watching my brother grow up with it was difficult and he was also abusive. Do you have any advice about the children with adhd part? How are you handling it? I was diagnosed with ADHD at age Currently separated for the third time. The struggles in my marriage, struggles with jobs, depression, relationship with my kids, losing my position at church and the community, etc At one point redemption was their only to completely fall by having an affair.
Therapist I see said, a book can be published about my life story and sell a lot of copies. I would be interested in doing an interview via email. I am currently living with a person who has adhd. He had a long time history of drug abuse and has only been sober for 3 years.
Being hyperactive but at the same time spontaneous. His good qualities outweighed the negative ones. Three months after exclusively dating, I got pregnant and now we have a 7 month old daughter. We had a lot of fights over the same things related to his condition. He occasionally smoke hash and I noticed a huge difference in his behavior. But our situation is just something that makes me think about not getting married at him at all.
Should I still marry him then? I was quick to dismiss the importance of learning about it because I was with an ADD male for 3 years as my first relationship and also the father of my son! Being with him was like being with any other person, I only had minor set backs with him so I assumed ADHD was no different!
Eventually I became used to things as they were! How I felt inside kept me from nagging, or bitching at him, I just kept everything to myself to avoid pushing him any further away! So I struggle on knowing how to simplify my message and speak more in direct!
I have felt like I am walking on eggshells around him to avoid pissing him off!
He acts on impulse! Has temper from hell and a short fuse! I have ADHD and can answer the talking-to-him thing and simplifying the messages - u can talk to him for a long time and he will listen and be able to interact if the communication style is objective and direct.
I can give two examples of you talking about having a bad day at work:. Are you listening to me?
Do you like condos? I have realised that the work:pay ratio in my workplace is skewed. My boss was talking about his new condo - do you see yourself living in a condo? The sound we make when finishing a question will keep the ADHD brain focused on the speaking too, so throw more questions in - can be anything, stranger the better, but to keep the focus even more make them specific rather than vague, e. Hi Alicea. I have known my husband for 25 years. We were married in and divorced 9 years later and are currently reconciled although I can now see the role ADD has played in the downfall and current struggle in our relationship.
Hi Noel, I married the same person twice as well, but he had a drug problem once he was young hence his ADHD has progressed exponentially. He refuses to change. I believe he secretly takes drugs behind my back so how can I help someone who wants to live his life this way.
I know what triggers his bipolar episodes and he continues to do things that are not good for his well being and his mental stability. Any sort of drug or mental health treatment will only work if HE chooses it. He has to want it, he has to acknowledge there even is an issue.
Manic can br just as scary as an episode of severe depression, just on the opposite end of thesome become hyper sexual in manic episodes, thwy feel such a compulsion to have sex or even shop. Some even completely self destruct while doing it, paying sex workers and spending their nest egg without their spouse knowing.
Literally ruining their life over the compulsion to have a lot of sex during their manic episode. It can even be a warning a manic episode is coming. Sometimes people will also develop a dramatic, unrealistic sense of self, viewing themselves in a far superior light than what is actually reality. I hope something is useful to you! Just be sure to set healthy boundaries and remember no one can ever cross your personal boundaries without you unless you let them!
I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago. It has been interesting to say the least lol.
He was diagnosed with ADD as a kid and is functional without meds as an adult. Hi guys im really in dire need of some advice. My husband is the one that struggles with ADHD. Were both 27 and our birthdays are both in June mines the 8th his is the 20th Were both Geminis also not really sure if that has anything to do with our relationship or not.
We also have a 7 month old baby boy. We constantly fight over dumb petty crapand sometimes we cant get along. I believe i may be a little like him. I agree i may not speak to him with a calm voice sometimes but sometimes i just talk loud and he thinks im mad and we start to fight again.
We can never just talk it out. He always calls me a psycho cause i get mad and end up forgetting the entire reason we were arguing. Lol What can i personally do to let him know im not always mad and want to argue. How do i show him i really do love him.? How can i stop the bickering and the fights.? My husband is going to leave me and i would really like to rekindle with my love. Men with ADHD make threats, get mad, make themselves and everyone miserable, fight over stupid things, and turn arguments around to make it seem that the other non-ADHD partner is the one in the wrong.
My advice? You and your baby will be fine. Monitor your baby for signs of ADHD when he enters schools, as it is highly genetic, and make sure he gets the help he needs. You can do this, and you can recover. I would be happy to answer some questions And would love to see the results. Both I and my Husband have ADHD-from research on different cts of our relationship I recently realized that this is likely the cause.
I got diagnosed about 8 months ago and he is just now realizing ADHD is likely his problem as well. He is working on becoming treated for his but his doctor is not as ready to consider ADHD to be the source of his symptoms. She is not as readily open, and has prescribed a different antidepressant and then a subsequent appointment was a stronger dose of antidepressant.
Sep 29, Difficulties with paying attention to others, missing important verbal and nonverbal cues, impulsively reacting or saying things that may be hurtful, moodiness, quick temper, low tolerance for frustrations, forgetfulness, zoning out in conversations, oversensitivity to criticism, emotional over-reactions, problems following through with commitments-these are just some of the issues that make dating and maintaining positive relationships hard for an individual with ADD. ADHD could be to blame. The condition starts in childhood, but it can stay into adulthood. Some people don't even know they have ADHD until they're adults. And if you have it, it could be causing.
Our relationship is typical where I am carrying most of the workload, he is not understanding my stress and feelings and health is being affected by it. We recently separated do to burn out on my part.
Dating with adhd disorder
We have two children and se is now in crisis mode and ready to listen an advocate for himself and our relationship. I am ADHD and was diagnosed in 4th grade. I was married for 7 years and am convinced that it was my symptoms that ended the marriage. He might have been a little ADD as well. Anyway, I would love to be interviewed.
I give anyone who marrys an ADHD person credit. We were both diagnosed as adults. I would love to have social contact with you IF possible. My boyfriend of 5 years and friend of 20 years just asked me to marry him.
I am crazy in love with him and scared to get married because of his ADHD symptoms. He is really open to working on himself and his issues and has incredible self control accept with anger and stress. I need an ear and one with experience to talk to if you feel you can? Hi Cesca. I have recently been dating a man and we both have fallen desperately in love.
We both have add and I feel like the RSD ct is going to ruin us. We both way overreact to little things and end up both feeling awful. I recognize my own rsd in him but he also has road from severe emotional, sexual and physical abuse in his childhood. Eileen eileenrouvalis gmail. I am an adult woman with ADD. I only got correctly diagnosed when I was I was misdiagnosed for 20 years.
I researched endlessly until I realized that it seemed like ADD and went to my doctors, explained, and they agreed. I would not mind being interviewed. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was a kid. I met him one and a half years ago.
I definitely did not expect to have a relationship with him since I am leaving the country the next year. He was obsessed with me, wanted to see me everyday, almost felt like I was the only thing he sees. He just left two weeks ago to his country and we said goodbye with hope. We are faced with this tough choice that we might have to get married to be together in less than a year.
He resigned a couple of months ago due to extreme stress. Finding jobs has been very difficult and I can see that it spins him around. However, at the same time, he is fully aware that he still have issues that he needs to deal with. I love him very much with all my heart. Having to hear him say all this is just heartbreaking for him as I am so far away from him and I know he is trying his best to cope. He told me that he might not be able to hold a relationship at all: might never be able to get married or have any children after we talked about getting married and having children just a few weeks ago.
This uncertainty is giving me terrible anxiety I was diagnosed with severe anxiety in I also wonder if this is worth it We have been through so much and he is such a loving person But I want a family. If there is anything that I know for sure in my life is that I want a family. Relationship only works if both partners are putting the same commitment and effort in it.
Do not marry him. It will only get worse. He says he has outgrown it. Well, you never outgrow it! Escape while you can.
I as the person without ADHD do so much more work to understand and cope with it. It is really unfair. My spouse is so disorganized, and procrastinates, and is so distracted. I send him material on strategies to control his symptoms better and he ignores it. I am getting to the point where I feel that we should separate for my own sanity.
Of course he believes this is all my fault. I have an autoimmune problem made worse by stress and have barely been able to get out of bed for anything but work the last two days due to the stress of my marriage.
Anyone got any advice? Heather, I cried as I read your post. It sucks having ADD. I try but seem to fail back to the same behavior that is driving my husband crazy. Lisa, I am the ADD wife in a 20 year marriage. I am trying. He is totally against me trying any medication for it. But it makes me sad to see how frustrated he is with me. In am in that exact same dilema and currently resting up due to severe stress and anxiety brought on by my adhd partner of 4 years. I would be keen to share coping strategies etc.
Can dating with adhd disorder something is. will
I feel so lost. I do have some advice, after 25 yrs of marriage to somebody totally unreliable. For example, keep him far away from mailing your tax return to the IRS.
You might need to spend household money on babysitters and maid service, and that might be non-negotiable for your sanity. ENJOY the parts of life that can be spontaneous and uteknoderas.comedictable.
As a male diagnosed with ADD, my experience seems opposite to yours.
I am treated, but even before treatment had no issue in being reliable, holding jobs, supporting family, pursuing creative interests, parenting children, etc If your analogy would have stated that he would always have ADD like it usually rains in Seattle I get it.
If that is the case then maybe my wife has a more severe case of ADHD, yet undiagnosethan I ever did as that is how I feel most of the time. It is important to know that the two of you have different strengths. I find that people with strong logistic skill that can fire off a list of sequences without mistake often have difficulty creating a better solution to a problem.
Creativity and spontaneity are important elements of life. Even some without and ounce of ADD are good at this too. I think you have some great points here, thanks for sharing! Would you mind if I asked you a few questions? Maybe we could do a quick over the phone interview?
That is great advice, especially coming from a person with 25 years of marriage experience! I am doing a bit of research on the topic because my fiance has ADD and I am trying to get a better idea of what I am getting myself into.
I am doing a couple of interviews with mental health professionals but I would love to get the perspective of someone who has so much life experience. Would you mind if I interviewed you? Thank you for your time! After being ready to get divorced about 7 yes into marriage I gave my spouse the option to take some adhd meds or we were done.
If you are new to the relationship and you are already feeling frustrated, get out. I have been with my husband for 24 years. We have nine children ranging from 1 year old twins to 19 year old.
I have had moments of leaving often over the past ten years. My husband has had lots of unemployment probably more than half our marriage. He seems consumed with ADD which he was only diagnosed with in the first few years of our marriage. I understand the symptoms of ADD but does that mean I always have to live with them? Do I always need to be the responsible one?
The organised one? I now need to get a job despite homeschooling three of our children and still breastfeeding twins, because we cannot afford to live. He says I undermine him with the children, rather than seeing his own behaviour pushing them away.
I just want some peace and consideration rather than having our whole family life consumed by ADD. I feel like I can relate to this so much. My boyfriend is 21 and has adhd, he was diagnosed when he was around 3. Heather, your life is literally word for word my life. So much damage has been done. I have lost myself and my life for my partner. I truly believe the best thing is to go our separate ways.
Talk, dating with adhd disorder amusing
Hi Katewe seem to have a lot in common! I also am married to a man who has ADHD as well as bipolar disorder.
I am currently off on medical leave due to a mild stroke where I could use a little extra help and understanding. When I reach out to seek advise. No idea is a good idea unless he came up with it, he struggles keeping jobs, sometimes he becomes violent and condescending and says that he constantly feels disrespected.
The sad part is. Thank you all for sharing your stories. We have a long distance relationship which in itself is really tough for two people with no adhd. We both love each other and are doing our best, but the reality is that we need a third party to help my partner. I really appreciate all your comments and helped me realize a lot. All the feeling of those non-ADHD partners is also what I am experiencing until now like feeling unloved and no appreciation from our partner and even cheated once.
I feel stress. I still have the feeling that, over million girls in this world why me has been chose to date him? I also observe that I am just the only one fighting for us and if I give up, I feel like he will not chase me and fight for me. He threatened me many times that he will break up with me and I am just the one asking and beg him not to and continue to workout with me.
He always doubted me loving him but in fact I am just giving him unconditional love, but he never appreciate that and I only received resentment. For those partners who is non-ADHD: 1. Where does your strength coming from to continue to fight for your relationship? Is it really worth fighting for? He has refused treatment r even that he has it until last yr.
I try and try to do my best I am in love with him and I thought he loved me the same way I trusted him completely. My partner of 12 years was diagnosed with ADHD last year and admitted to a drug addiction as well not long after.
Our major point of contention for the past few years are his disappearing acts. He pulled many weekend all nighters, but they were with friends when I was around - not independent of me. I always went to sleep and got back up in the morning. He refused to go to addictions treatment and has supposedly been clean for 3 months now, but the disappearing acts and shady secretive phone messages are still happening.
Is my request for him to stay home at night an unreasonable request? Not unreasonable at all. I would seek professional help in your case. Perhaps an intervention would be helpful. I agree.
Jul 23, Dating someone with ADHD can also mean you're dating someone with DID. There are instances where the signs you're seeing might present themselves as ADHD but is actually DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder. This can be alarming because this is a whole different mental disorder which needs to be addressed. May 27, ADHD takes up a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth. It's exhausting and often the ADHDer is struggling to get through the next task. Slow down, be compassionate, and refrain from judgment. Your ADHD loved one will respond lovingly to your kindness. An ADHD relationship requires patience and compassion, at times more than other relationships. Sep 16, If you're married to or dating someone with ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, which can present in different ways and is the clinical term Author: Allie Flinn.
It is not an unreasonable request. Whst you dont seem to understand is that its more than just addiction. I know someone kind of like his partner. And the fact I had dabbled w drugs in the past nothing like this mans partner but bcuz of this man i had gotten addictions to certain pills.
The first rule of dating with ADHD: Like your partner as much as you love them. By Edward Hallowell, M.D. I've been working with people who have attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) and are dating age or older for about 35 years now. During that time, I've been married to my wonderful wife, Sue, for 30 of those years. Apr 14, Attention Deficit Disorder is a very real and agonizing condition. Sufferers may feel as if they are victims of their own minds and trapped in a persistent state of incapacitation. What You Can Do Listen beyond words. Pay attention to body language and tone of voice, too. Get a trusted buddy. She can help you pick up subtle social cues you might miss. Watch others. Role play. Repeat. Talk face-to-face. Texts, emails, and phone calls can't give you important cues.
But hiw can i when i ko he will be leaving me soon. All becuz of his assumptions. He knew at the beginning of the week i wasnt feeling great so eould have to let him know for sure i could come on the day i let him know yesterday i would today i managed to be ready on scedule as he wanted me at his for 7.
I heard nothing from him all day so at 6. I was already on my way to his when he finally replied so i pulled over, said i will leave it for today then and just see you saturday shall i?
He said yeh ok. That was it. He knows how hard it is for me to get ready on time and even leave the house due to anxiety but i was so pleased i had managed to do it all only to feel stood up.
I turned round and came home again. I adore him but im feeling more unwell now than ever and dont know what else i can do? My bf got diagnosed with severe ADHD as an adult and also has a severe sleep disorder, which keeps him from being able to work.
My health has taken a nosedive, too. Hi Beatrix, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and about 6 months ago we went to couples counseling. He was wuickly diagnosed with ADHD. I also have severe anxiety and we would be a simple discussion turns into a huge fight where our emotions would be extreme. One thing that dramatically helped us is the psychologist has us listening to podcasts on adhd and relationship advice that interest us 2x a week.
Then we have to discuss it. Why this has helped is it brings thing from a defensive mindset to more of a learning and team approach.
So if i have something that is bothering meits like bringing a 3rd party in the picture. Maybe try this? My boyfriend of 2 years obviously has severe ADHD. He really loves me and he spends a lot of time thinking of how to make me happy and he has been affectionate and loving all the time we have been together.