By Lindiswa Jan Sep 11, Although unheard of in public conversations, Xhosa women actually have a significant influence on the self-perceptions Xhosa males hold of themselves and their desire for the tradition of ulwaluko. But the influence is generally not acknowledged and I highlight this side of the conversation for the purpose of shifting the gaze for a moment. Ordinarily, it seems like a taboo to acknowledge that Xhosa women set the tone for the male machismo associated with the cultural importance of ulwaluko for Xhosa boys and men. And generally, Xhosa males will not publicly acknowledge this reality even as they know that Xhosa women are historically socialised against dating and marrying inkwenkwe, or even worse, having a child with inkwenkwe. While it is seemingly only the hierarchy of respect afforded among Xhosa males, it is actually also their value in the eyes of Xhosa women that makes them desire to go through traditional initiation. Xhosa women overtly state that they neither desire nor get into relationships with Xhosa males who have not gone through ulwaluko.
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Police intercept R, worth of drugs March 18, And generally, Xhosa males will not publicly acknowledge this reality even as they know that Xhosa women are historically socialised against dating and marrying inkwenkwe, or even worse, having a child with inkwenkwe.
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While it is seemingly only the hierarchy of respect afforded among Xhosa males, it is actually also their value in the eyes of Xhosa women that makes them desire to go through traditional initiation. Xhosa women overtly state that they neither desire nor get into relationships with Xhosa males who have not gone through ulwaluko. And historically, it was a taboo to have a child with a traditionally uninitiated Xhosa male, and rural Xhosa women reinforced this ideal to their daughters. In their conversations about desirable relationships, Xhosa women talk about the concept of ubukhwenkwe, a state of social consciousness some Xhosa males embody as though they were not circumcised, as undesirable.
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Simply, ubukhwenkwe is an adolescent state of social consciousness associated with a lack of social responsibility and respect for family and community wellbeing. When embodied by supposedly traditionally circumcised males, it means that the consciousness of ubukhwenkwe has not been eradicated in the ritual processes of ulwaluko. And Xhosa males who behave as such are seriously frowned upon by Xhosa women and the community in general. It is important to note that the tradition of ulwaluko is as old as ancient Egyptians.
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But over time, Africans adopted and adjusted it according to their social and environmental changes. For ancient Egyptians, for example, the primary focus was the necessity of circumcision for hygiene purposes. From this understanding, medical circumcision can be qualified as a practice rooted in ancient Egyptian life. Although it is primarily associated with amaXhosa in southern Africa, the tradition enjoys wide appreciation by Africans in their different practices.
The fact of it being strongly associated with amaXhosa is because of the historical and cultural processes of initiation in the Eastern Cape. Some people struggle to say the "th" sound in "south", "mouth" or "those" and end up saying "f".
Others struggle to say the "a" in "African" and end up saying "efrican". Now, if your girl is one of the fluent English speakers, she will probably find it very offensive if you ask her to say "Souf Efrican".
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Try to refrain from asking her to say it like that, and if she does speak like that, you'd do well not to point it out.
Perhaps South African girls should know that they're pretty, because the most famous South African girls are bombshells Charlize Theron and Victoria Secret model Candice Swannepoel, but we're brought up being modest and that looks aren't everything, so if you're complimenting your girl and she shrugs it off, don't take it personally.
Saffa girls appreciate a compliment, but feel terribly awkward accepting it. She will probably blush or roll her eyes, but you can be sure that she will be giggling about it throughout the day in her own mind. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I was so hurt and I used to cry every day ever since my beloved husband left me and got a second wife.
I could look at our kids and miss him. It was a hard situation to endure the stress and at work, I could not perform well being a nurse I work on many people but I could be moody and could even lose tempers for small things my colleagues complained and I signed many warnings before the matron. I tried so much to move on but it was hard I love my husband sometimes I could see him in my dreams wake up thinking he would come but nothing, I used to SMS him but no response calling him he never picked my calls and finally blocked all my numbers not even to support the kids.
I resorted to sangomas and spell casters but not even at one time did I see a change. I started drinking alcohol because I couldn't handle the stress but as you all know once you are drunk you are out of stress it could be worse once the alcohol is out.
I can't forget the day I came back home and our firstborn asked me where is Daddy I miss him a lot why he is no longer coming home I never gave a right answer I went in the bedroom started crying at this time.
I thought a lot of bad things but again because I loved my kids I knew I had to be strong because it was my role to play as a mother.
I thought about it with all my heart and finally decided to contact Mama I made everything known to her and she said that we had a future with my husband and we are compatible but the lady had used something on my man which had diverted his feelings away from not only me but also from the whole family.
I was so angry at this point and I asked how-how it was possible to get him back.
He asked me to sit in the car we talked he was so romantic and he asked my forgiveness since then our lives have been progressing both in relationships and finances. I have written my story to tell everyone who may be in tears that I was like that before.
Thank you, mama. Am from Uganda and would wish to hookup with a cute, light-skinned Xhosa girl. How do I achieve that? Am currently in my home country Uganda though.
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Any advise. This is a toned-down version of a very similar article by, I think, the same author. That article seemed straight out of the apartheid era with its overt tones of superiority. An Afrikaans-speaking reader described it as magdag.
I don't know what that means but it didn't seem complimentary.
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I'm currently into a South African girl and i'm Nigerian, believe me so many things pointed out here i could see it in my lady.
SA girls are just sweet! But hope not to see the crazyass side!!!
They are totally different from other african girls but it is now depends on your quality that you choose and different language that you use. Be wise when you chose the girl that you really want because you will regret one day and do not blame anyone. For me it is advantage that i'm vhenda guy. I think some of the descriptions tend to generalize meaning they don't bring out specific realities on personalities. Anyways thanks for the insights. I'm dating a South African girl and read this blog because of the opening paragraph: "there's something really unique about the ladies in South Africa, and if you happen to find yourself infatuated with one, you can count yourself lucky.
They are polite but not stuffy or repressed, feminine but not passive, fun, intelligent and beautiful.
Sep 11, Xhosa women overtly state that they neither desire nor get into relationships with Xhosa males who have not gone through ulwaluko. And historically, it was a taboo to have a child with a. Dating a xhosa lady Lulama gets zebra stripes on a twenty-something year old xhosa women seeking women as a spiritually, and handsome. Next back to marry a bride-price and he was written in traditional pipe. If they thought about xhosa girl on.
They don't seek to 'win' in relationships but rather to partner. I have traveled a lot around the globe and not found better.
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BTW, can't say the same for South African men. I'd rather stay away from most South African girls colour blind for I can relate to most negative comments.
Now South Africa is a very cosmopolitan country and one could easily bump into some foreign much nicer girl. An admin Afrikaans lady at work close to being able to retire told me the other day she does not understand why girls maybe was she talking about Afrikaans girls nowadays try to be the boss of the relationship.
Few days later she also told me that there are so many more girls than guys in the country. In other words, if you're willing to date an SA girl, don't spend waste?
So sad you, I am south african and i have a south african wife that i would not swop for any other women on this planet, i work in Italy and some other parts of Europe and the women i have encountered are well um yes actually yes no comment. I have worked with South African women and had to deal with them as they were my customers.
I think they expect the very best and will drive you crazy with their demands.
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Very class conscious and want to be higher up the ranks than others so that they can look down their noses at others. Will fire you for trivial reasons too, without being fair. If I had a son I would say that they are very pretty women but they expect too much of others.
I will not work for another South African again as now have had 2 bad experiences with them - one male and one female South African as a boss. Probably a one off sort of nightmare. Kevin barlow, I don't know who you dated in SA that you this opinion of classifying all SA women as "Stuck Up" and "gold diggers" I am very independent, Don't need a man for shit! So I suggest you rather keep your KAK comments and opinions to yourself!
You will never meet any girl in another country that have quality like ours! I fell in love straight away,we r soul mates,and Angel is coming here to live in the U. Guys, this info applies for white South African girls. Black South African girls are cheeky and they expect you to do everything for them and they are spoilt brats.
They use way too much make-up and overdo with cosmetic products. Coloured Black-White South Africans are violent and racist. They are a very hostile race in South Africa.