Generally speaking, the NT and SJ temperaments do not mix well together. While SJs are interested in security and tradition, NTs strive for completely different things: innovation, change and challenge. Also, all the cognitive functions are in different priorities. This means that both persons will have to make a real effort to understand each others position, and that's not a very good starting ground for a relationship. Relationships should be as effortless as possible. That would be too ignorant and inconsiderate to say because two well developed individuals of ANY type can get along if they want to.
We are dipolar in nearly every way. We're that different.
However, we've made it through 23 years of marriage and we're each other's best friends. But, it's not for the faint of heart.
I'm just learning after 23 years to understand how she thinks and accept it where as before I'd often dismiss and condescend. I now accept and appreciate usually who she is and how she thinks even when I strongly disagree. We still find ourselves in plenty of fights, but we are overall more respectful and willing to hold our tongues when necessary. On the postive, I've helped her see the importance of thoroughly analyzing important decisions before she acts while she's helped me interact among friends and society more freely.
She's helped me create relationships with others that I would never have created on my own. I still don't prefer relationships outside my immediate family, I'm a better person for expanding my sphere.
Again, don't get me wrong, it's been tough. I've made her cry on so many occasions I've lost count. She's literally driven me insane with frustration for her emotionally random attacks with no visible underlying cause or logic that last for hours well into the night. I've dismissed her opinions as utter dribble as they had little basis in fact or logic. She'd point out every little thing I've ever done wrong when, after much deliberation, she's feeling or perceives x, y, or z which has nothing to do with what we were discussing.
Just knowing that this his how she processes her feelings and accepting it has helped decrease dissonance in our relationship. She, in turn, has helped peel my multilayered "onion" personality. I can finally be completely open with her in ways I've never dared be with anyone before. It's still very uncomfortable, but I'm a much better person for her unyielding persistence.
Esfj dating intp
I still hate social gatherings and getting to "know" people, and I abhor meaningless conversations. But I do my best to participate as I know it makes her happy. She, in turn, allows me to stay away from the center of the party where I am less anxious.
Once in a while, I'm pleasantly surprised and find someone with whom I truly connect and find a new friend to include in my "friend" spear aka talk to once a year when I need a logical springboard with which to bounce off ideas.
I'm a much better person because of my ESFJ wife and she, in turn, is as well. The other person gets offended whenever I'm thinking instead of talking to them and I get annoyed when they want to talk to me while I'm thinking. I am sigma he is alpha, we need our space and independance. We married in our 30s. It was extremely crazy when we married and a roller coaster. It's been 4 years now and I keep wonder what always goes in his head. Suspense always Haha. We seem to adjust a lot to reduce conflict work together to build family.
We love each other a lot and he loves my company. I dont force too much socialization on him but keep my social life busy and independent, which is fine by him. Kind of worked it out. It's good to give space to each other.
Consider, esfj dating intp speaking the
It's going great But I still have longing for him to understand my emotions. Honestly sometimes we clash a lot, she can easily cover my weaknesses but for me it is very difficult. Good thing, when we started dating, I found myself known to a lot, she connected me to the society something which is difficult for me.
The only positive ct is that my dad is amazing with sales. I do the technical work and I believe I deliver a great job but without him I wouldnt have one single client.
Apart from that, it is reaaaaally hard! He talks too much, he is not assertive at all, and he is also VERY disorganized. The plus side is that he is my dad and I love him very much, so being together all the time is an amazing oportunity to grow as a human being. I get to practice my patience, and i am able to understand how Es perceive the world and why they love being around people so much :. I knew it would be a challenge but it's way more difficult than I realized.
Whenever we end up in what I consider a small argument, I'm over it in 2 minutes, whereas he wants to rant and be upset about the argument until he thinks I get what I did wrong?
We agree we will work on it but I'm getting worn out and losing my respect and love for esfj types. Is there any site that gives solid advise on how to deal with the bazaar overwhelming melt downs ESFJs have? Never a dull moment. I think we work well together because of the life experience under our belts and the common ground we share we're both teachers. To complicate things further, there are also cultural and linguistic differences she's Japanese.
It's not the easiest relationship I've ever been in, but it is the most rewarding. She keeps me real, and I get her dreaming. I suspect, unless both work at the relationship, it can be a roller coaster though. But with work and commitment from both sides, no more of a roller coaster than any other relationship.
I would say development is key in this relationship working. It is only doomed if both the intp and the esfj do not fully know and recognize their weak points and try to overcome them. I think my boyfriend and I have both grown together because being with your exact opposite really grounds you and makes you see a world in a different way. For the first time we are both with people who equally challenge us in a positive way.
This is the most fulfilling relationship I have been in and I really hope it works out. We are very different, but I find it fascinating to figure out and watch how he works, though it can be very emotionally tiring and too much at times.
I really enjoy our relationship though. He's so expressive and affectionate and eager to show that. Obviously, as an INTP, I am far more reserved, but his child like love helps me express myself a bit better.
We also work very well collaborating on ideas, since he focuses in on small details that I might miss, but I can see the larger picture and make sure everything fits together logically to keep him on track.
Very esfj dating intp final
They both care about me a lot, so much I feel guilty sometimes for not being that caring towards them. But you know, I cannot be someone I'm not. He completes me so well, his strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.
However, it is difficult we have a hard time seeing things through each others eyes. He often doesn't understand why I have to let my emotions out, but he does understand why I'm feeling them. I keep him down to earth and centered. It is the most rewarding and challenging relationship I have ever had. Now that doesn't mean it's easy, like most things in life.
Also I don't appreciate how belittling some of the comments are when they mention how ESFJ's aren't interested in this and that we are shallow thinkers. We have only been married for 4 yrs, together for a total of 8 and it still feels like we are still dating.
We complement each other perfectly in every way and are having a fulfilling and romantic marriage. But I would like to point out that my undergrad degree was in physics, not a typical choice for an ESFJ. We were also best friends before we got married and still are.
It is exhausting! INTP male here No surprise she's an ESFJ and no surprise that we often clashed and eventually broke up. I felt bad about the way things turned out for us, but this puts it into a scientific analysis that makes it more understandable and acceptable to me. My sister is the same personality type and so I have a lot of experience dealing with the extreme amount of emotion that they can release. I'm finding that while I usually have a hard time empathizing I can at least analyze why he is upset or insanely happy or whatever emotion he is experiencing and explaining that I at least understand logically kind of helps when disagreements spring up.
In the end you find out how different you really are, it is a growth experience. Very attractive to have the opposite around to seek balance of sorts but we all gravitate to ourselves.
Codependency issues can lead to trouble if underdeveloped. Was married 13 yrs and when push came to shove there is no common ground however the mystery is alluring thinking all of the time how the esfj handles things. Can be both heaven and hell. Ultimately, what you are looking for in relationships is intellectual stimulation-although you also appreciate people who can draw out your softer side.
Your first impression of this person is likely to be that they are traditional, literal, and by-the-book. They may remind you of a boss who micromanaged you or a teacher who enforced the most inane rules with inordinate gusto.
This person's primary concern is following the rules, toeing the line, and making sure that procedures are followed. Since your primary concern is usually either breaking the rules or making up your own, you're not likely to feel this person has a lot to offer you. There are a few reasons you might consider this person worth getting to know. The most obvious is that you have to, because they are a coworker, a family member, or someone else in your daily life.
If this is the case, fear not: you do have potential to influence each other in a positive way.
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First and foremost, this person can provide a needed reality check for you. While you are innovative and imaginative, you can also be impractical.
You may neglect to attend to the details, or you may get very excited about ideas that turn out to be unworkable or unnecessary.
Your counterpart does not suffer from this problem. They tend to be extremely suspicious of new ideas, and will absolutely refuse to get caught up in your enthusiasm.
Alone! esfj dating intp can not
While this may feel like the world's largest wet blanket, in practice it's a tremendous asset to you. If you can get your counterpart interested in one of your ideas, it will be because you have truly thought through the details and identified a real need for something new. In other words, they will always make you do your homework-and that's a good thing. In addition, this person can be a powerful stabilizing force for you.
Intp male here, closest relationship I've had was with an ESFJ and would be the female if it weren't for how things turned out in the end. From my dating it seems like the two naturally are attracted to one another because they are both mysteries to the other and "complete" each other in a annoying kind of man. Intp here, wife is esfj. INTP personalities should learn to be more open with their own feelings. ESFJs will appreciate it if an INTP offers intentional time and works on being a little more organized. ESFJ types should allow INTP types to have plenty of space; ESFJs need to avoid overly emotional expressions and be a bit more patient with INTPs' disorganization. See how INTP s and ESFJ s get along in this guide to INTP / ESFJ relationships. If you're an INTP in a relationship with an ESFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life. How INTP and ESFJ Get Along INTP s and ESFJ s have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other.
While you may tend to get absorbed in the abstract, they will focus on daily practicalities-making sure there is food to eat, the bills are paid, and everyone is properly dressed. This is not stuff you tend to want to worry about, so having someone on your side who doesn't mind taking care of such things can make for a great team. So long as they don't resent your disinterest in such matters, your partnership can allow you to each focus on what you are good at.
Moreover, this person can help you to tune into the valuable cts of the past. Although you tend not to put much stock in the way things have always been done, sometimes the traditional way is actually the best way.
Listening to this person's perspective can help you to understand what's working just fine as it is, and keep you from trying to reinvent the wheel.
This person likely has a higher energy level than you do, and you may find their enthusiasm overwhelming at times. You may find it important to set boundaries and let them know when you need space and quiet. You tend to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. You focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, exploring the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what you communicate is your idea, theory, or interpretation of what you see, rather than a direct observation.
When making plans, you are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan-without having much interest in the details of exactly what will happen or how. In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences.
They focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that they observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, they tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, they're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.
While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway-and you'll both be the better for it. And in turn, they can help you to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. When talking with this person, you may fall into the role of listener by default.
INTP and ESFJ Couple
Because they are more extraverted than you are, they'll tend to naturally speak more quickly and have more to say. You tend to be a bit more quiet and reserved, and are often more comfortable letting others have the floor.
You may leave conversations with this person feeling like you actually didn't say much at all. This can be a comfortable dynamic sometimes. Many introverts like having friends and associates who are dynamic and chatty and keep the conversation moving. Other times, it can be frustrating. Extraverts sometimes assume that because Introverts are a bit slower to get going, they have nothing to say.
Your Extravert friends may chatter on, thinking that if they don't fill the silence, no one will.
In fact, you might appreciate them slowing down a bit, asking more questions, and giving you the time and space to express yourself. You may not have a talk-show-host personality, but that doesn't mean you have nothing to share. Consider the dynamic between the two of you and ask yourself if it works for you. Does your Extraverted counterpart make space for you to share your thoughts and feelings?
Or do you feel like you're being steamrolled?
This section INTP - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have. The INTP - ESFJ relationship has 0 preference similarities and 4 . We have only been married for 4 yrs, together for a dating of 8 and it still feels like we are still dating. We complement each other perfectly in every dating and are having a fulfilling and romantic marriage. But I would like to point out that my undergrad view was in physics, why a typical choice for an ESFJ. INTP - ESFJ Relationship. Jan 02, ESFJs have dominant extroverted feeling (Fe), while INTPs have inferior Fe. INTPs have dominant introverted thinking (Ti) while ESFJs have inferior Ti. This means that both persons will have to make a real effort to understand each others position, and that's not a very good starting ground for a relationship.
If you never feel you get to express yourself with this person, it's time to let them know that your relationship needs some tweaking.
Be aware that when communicating with this person, your usual style may come off as overly blunt or even confrontational. Your counterpart pays a lot of attention to the quality of relationships and is constantly monitoring the emotional overtones of any conversation.
This means that they are reluctant to say anything controversial or possibly upsetting. You, on the other hand, have a tendency to call it like it is, without too much concern for how people will react.
This can create an imbalance in your dynamic, where your Feeling counterpart is desperately trying to maintain emotional harmony while you relentlessly rock the boat.
You'll be more successful in your communications if you take time to consider the emotional impact of your words. Sure, everyone wants honesty, but most people also like tact. If you're delivering news that may be hard to hear, think about how you can soften the message.
And be aware that your ever-so-charming habit of offering unsolicited "constructive criticism" may not always be taken in the spirit it was intended. The two of you have very fundamental differences in what you value.
While you tend to be a bit of an agitator, seeking out ways to shake up the system and make things newer, faster, and better, your counterpart is a traditionalist who will likely find your goals unnecessary, if not outright alarming.
While you have a lot of potential to learn from one another, there are also a lot of hurdles to overcome if you are to understand each other.