Young Islamic men and women or boys and girls do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together and "getting to know one another" in a very deep way as a precursor to selecting a marital partner. Rather, in Islamic culture, pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex are forbidden. Islam believes the choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life-with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement. First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when Muslims are young continues throughout their lives and serves as a network, a way to become familiar with other families.
We can find many couples do dating everywhere. They usually take some advantages from holiday and weekend. A girl will not think several times to accept their boyfriend asking to date. In this era, it is not surprise if we see a boy and his girlfriend do dating in public area.
The society will also not disturb them and seem like do nothing of this situation. It looks like habitual daily activity that is not taboo anymore. For the result, pregnancies before marriage often occur in our surrounding.
Who will be blamed in this condition?
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Many factors involve this condition actually. Using of internet, watching the vulgar content of television program, and decreasing moral value in our societies become the top three of some that factors. As we know, Indonesia is the country with the largest number of Muslims in the world. We also have known in the Al-Quran there are many verses about dating.
There are a lot of verses in Al-Quran that ban dating before marriage. But surprisingly, mostly Muslims do date before marriage. From teenager till adolescent are not shy anymore to date in public.
No premarital sex is allowed in Islam. Therefore, no dating is allowed on the premisethat dating inevitablyleads to premarital sex. The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. "Dating" as defined in Western culture does not exist in Islam. Interaction between Muslim men and women is reserved solely with marriage in mind. Muslims who are able to marry are encouraged to do so, and they must follow the established laws of courtship. Meet Singles in your Area! To tell you the real meaning of dating and why Islam prefers the word courtship but not dating. Most of the time, this is the reason why scholars say no to dating in Islam because they knew what it means and the dangers that come hand in hand with it that Islam is protecting us from. Courtship is allowed, unlike the dating, we know today.
Why could it be occurred? We cannot blame just from one side, from the activists may be. We have to think clearly that this situation could not be occurred if the societies still hold Al-quran values in their daily activities.
Unfortunately, they just change the name without change the content. How can we do this? Falling in love with another is normal.
Islam also tells people to love every creature. If you have special feeling with someone, you have to think whether it will be told or not.
Telling someone about your feeling has own risk. May you will be accepted or rejected. In Islam if you have special feeling with someone the only way to make it halal relationship is by marriage. You have stable income, enough knowledge, and have special feeling with someone, what should you do?
Should you tell her about your feeling, do dating for some times, then decide to marry her or may break the relationship? The ending of the romantic relationship are to break or to marry.
Firstly you make her fly then other day you pain her heart deeply. How hurt your action is! In the other side, if you decide to end your relationship by marrying her, is that any guarantee for you to make your marriage happily ever after? Many evidences we can found in this real life.
Couples who were in the relationship in several years, then decided to marry, they force only in several months. So, what are the advantages of dating before marriage? But, after regarding some true stories about it, can the dating before marriage play those roles? Absolutely no. So, what can you do to make sure that you have chosen the right girl? Islam tells us to do Taaruf. Is it the same as dating? Big no is the answer.
Look at some activities in the Taaruf as the basic of Islamic dating rules:. If you have a special one that you want to marry with, so you can skip this part and next to the second one. Asking for help to people that you trust and know well to look for your girl, or you can make a proposal consists of your biography then ask them to give it to a girl who they are recommended.
The girl will do the same, or you can get the information from your people. Based on the basic information, you and she can make a decision whether you want to continue to the next steps or not. If you or she will not, so you will stop in this step. But if both of you will, you can continue to the next steps. The next step after both of you are ready to continue is dating. Which kind of dating that is allowed in Islam? Although you have a good intention, you also should do in the right way.
After you have passed all of steps, you can marry her. You can do dating after that. Dating after marriage is sweeter than before, you and she can do anything. Moreover, more you express your feeling with her more you will get reward from Allah.
The sin that you can get from dating before marriage you can change become reward by dating after marriage. How wonderful it is. It will keep not only purity of your body but also your heart.
It also will distance you from immorality of dating. Are parents in North America going to arrange the marriages of their young children as is done in some Islamic countries? In Islamic countries there are matrimonial brokers and agents who work to match the brides and bridegroom.
Parents have the support of the community in finding spouses for their children. Relatives, networking, social gatherings particularly weddings, make arranging marriages easier.
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In the United States, parents are left alone and cut off from these networks. The more educated the girl becomes, the less contented a parent feels in arranging for her marriage. African-American Muslims, as well as Arab and Asian immigrants from cultures that practice arranged marriages-are now unenthusiastic to do the same for their own children.
In an arranged marriage, a Muslim family usually investigates the prospective candidate further - talking with teachers, professors, employers, friends, family, Imams, colleagues, etc.
It is a well-known fact that Islamic religious or cultural events are often segregated by gender? So how are the young North American Muslims supposed to meet and marry each other?
The first group is "Strict Muslims" who date halal in an Islamically permissible style. The second group I call "Eid Muslims," because many are not strict in practice and attend mosques only on holidays.
While technically they are dating haram unlawfully in Islamwithout chaperones, they're keeping physical intimacy to a minimum and parental involvement at a maximum. The third group dates "Sex and the City"-style definitely haramopenly and freely leading a non-Islamic lifestyle, having premarital sex sometimes in a series of monogamous relationships.
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These non-Muslim women sometimes convert to Islam and marry their Muslim boyfriends. But some are unceremoniously dumped when the man's parents arrange a halal marriage. The woman's family is naturally upset at how she has been treated, resulting in a misconception that Muslim men treat women poorly. Ironically, the "Sex and the City" Muslim man can date freely without risking his standing in the community, while a Muslim woman with the same dating pattern would not only gain a bad reputation but risk losing a good arranged marriage proposal.
This double standard and poor treatment of women is not endorsed by Islam but by a general patriarchy that pervades many world cultures, including America. They insist that their girlfriends, with whom they once openly had sex, will now have to wear a cover and stay at home, and that their dating relationship was haram.
A friend of mine who had such an experience broke off the engagement with the Muslim man but retained her commitment to Islam. But she told me she is now committed to waiting to have sex again till she marries. Halal dating is the first cousin of arranged marriage, with young people finding their own mates-within the guidelines of Islam-instead of their parents arranging marriages for them. Because the Qur'an advocates equality between the sexes, it does not permit premarital sex-since all the negative consequences fall upon the woman, including pregnancy, the social stigma, and the raising of the child.
Premarital sex is also forbidden for other reasons, including learning to discipline oneself and practice self-control. Under Islam, when a man has sex with a woman to whom he is not married, he is being disrespectful of her, whether she is consensually participating or not.
So young Muslims who engage in halal dating seek a commitment first and are vigilant about staying true to their religion. Less often they meet at school or in their local community.
They spend time talking over the phone or on the Internet and even going on dates, though for Strict Muslims, a chaperone is always present. Once they have decided they like each other, the couple is married under Islamic law by signing a marriage contract. This event, called the nikah, is as binding as a marriage.
Two Women Join An Online Muslim Dating Site
However, the couple is seen as engaged in most Islamic cultures and in American-Islamic culture. The signing of the agreement allows them to spend more time together. Strict Muslims still have a chaperone present and do not even hold hands. One views the other as a life partner, not a hot prom date. Eventually they will marry in a ceremony attended by their friends and family members.
Sometimes, though, the betrothal may break up, but, because the couple was engaged in halal dating, no disgrace attaches to them. Many Muslims marry non-Muslim women who convert as a result of halal dating. Another example of halal dating that resulted in marriage is that of a divorced non-Muslimah, who met a Muslim of Pakistani descent in her medical school class.
The Pakistani husband even adopted her daughter from a previous marriage. Many non-Muslims see Islam as a gigantic, static monolith, when, in fact, Islam can be very dynamic.
Shi'ite Muslims, for instance, sometimes use the device of muta to facilitate dating. A muta is a temporary marriage recognized under Shi'ite practice. An agreement, oral or written, is created between the man and woman, securing for the woman certain rights in the event of pregnancy or at the termination of the marriage.
I recently heard of a young Muslim couple living together before their formal wedding ceremony. Their parents could not bear their children living together unmarried so they secured a muta fatwa [an Islamic legal ruling that a temporary marriage was taking place between them] for them.
Their living together was then halal.
"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims. Young Islamic men and women (or boys and girls) do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together and "getting to know one another" in a very deep way as .
In the end, we Muslims believe that God will decide, as He is the final judge of us all. Problems of Muslim Marriages in Britain.
In Great Britain, Muslim youth intermingle freely and happily with most of their non-Muslim friends. When they have friends of the opposite sex, they are almost always non-Muslims. What is the reason for this? Because there is no shame whatsoever at the school in mixing freely and exchanging views and feelings - but there is enormous suspicion placed upon young Muslim men and women who try to mix freely and exchange views as friends.
This is true in the Masaajids also.
Jul 11, Muslim men clearly take dating more seriously than their non-Muslim counterparts (Picture: Shahed Ezaydi) It was like he was filtering out people so he wouldn't waste any of his time. Falling in love and dating under religiously appropriate circumstances are allowed in Islam Dating in Islam is not prohibited as long as there are others around to supervise the behavior of the two people who are dating. Dating definitely does not carry the same meaning for Muslims as it does for non-Muslims, especially Westerners. There is no dating or living in de facto relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage. From an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa(piety and consciousness of Allah).
Usually all that happens here is that they are kept apart from other Muslims, but mix pretty freely with non-Muslims. Others take the line that if a Muslim sees someone of the opposite sex, one glance is allowed but then the eyes must be cast down modestly, thus making normal conversation a difficult matter, to say the least.
In other words, seeing someone is not forbidden, but using the eyes in a certain way is. Our conversations with members of the other sex must not be sexually inviting or flirtatious in order to stir up feelings it is difficult to control, especially in the young. Elderly Muslims prevent the young Muslim adults from mixing freely. But this could result in the following major problems.
How to correct this ludicrous state of affairs.
When that happens, there are grounds for suspicions, criticism, affronts to family honor and so forth. The world is witnessing male members in some Muslim countries committing murder of their young women honor killing for the slightest of suspicions - a matter regarded as totally un-Islamic in view of the highly stringent rules for four competent witnesses to actual acts of full sexual intimacy, otherwise people will be flogged with 80 lashes for false or uteknoderas.comoven accusations.
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The incidence of fathers, uncles and brothers and teachers and pir-sahibs sexually abusing Muslim girls is sadly on the increase - or, at least, is being increasingly reported. What we need is firstly to recognize that there is nothing at all wrong with young people meeting in situations where intimacy cannot occur because of witnesses; and secondly to create occasions in which they can meet safely in halal ways, so that they CAN get to know each other.
The more of these occasions we can organize, whether family events or mosque events or conference events, the better. I also heartily recommend that males and females find at least some opportunities for sitting together at meals, and conversing afterwards.
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We also have the problem that the type of young Muslim man or woman most praised by many Muslim elders is the ultra-serious, committed, ritualistic type of Muslim, whose Islam runs the danger of being judged by their ability to memorize Arabic passages with or without understandingor the growth of beard or school-uniform type of hijab, or the number of hours spent in prayers and Qur'anic study.
Needless to say, I have no wish whatsoever to denigrate the efforts of these admirable people - quite the contrary. Please let that be clearly understood. However, having said that, Muslims of that type do not always make the best of husbands or wives, for they have that ascetic streak and zealousness of commitment that is beyond the reach of the majority.
May Allah grant us the grace to think seriously about the plight of our youngsters seeking good life-partners, especially our girls - many of whom may feel they are 'condemned' to marry Muslim men rather than look forward with joy to the prospect. Our young people of both sexes need to see beyond the facades, and to appreciate the nobility and talents of each other, so that they may move forward with confidence and not have a hopeful marriage collapse in trauma and dismay.
It is also well known that couples who once engaged to each other, are allowed to dine out together and to go to other places provided they had a responsible chaperone with them. Obviously this could be classified as a type of Halal dating or Islamic dating.
Currently in North America a Muslim family enquires, discusses, and suggests prospective candidates to their children of marriageable age.